… has left the building.

Elvis Presley died thirty years ago. Even now there are fans holding a candlelight vigil at Graceland. I don't know how many of them are dressed as Elvis, but I don't think I'm in too much danger of exaggeration if I say there's a hell of a lot of Elvis impersonators hanging around. I dunno about you lot, but I think that's a bit cruel. Some of those Elvis fans are getting on a bit now, some might even have started to get a bit forgetful, maybe even senile. Think about what it must be like for them. There you are, just paying your respects to the King, and suddenly there he is! No, wait a minute, it's just it's Bob Hoogenburg, age 38, a tribute act. But you got your hopes up all the same, and to be yanked back down to Earth like that's gotta hurt. But wait! There he is! No, it's Dave Saxton, age 29, only been at it a year and hasn't got the lip-curl right yet. Even now there's a 90-year-old fan who's well into her fifth hour on this emotional roller-coaster. Keep your distance: her bladder control's not what it used to be. Off she goes again! "Elvis? Elvis?" Alas! It's only Cindy Friedman, age 22…

All I can say is it's lucky you don't get that sort of thing at other memorials. Can you imagine that sort of thing happening in three years' time when it's John Lennon's anniversary? I feel sorry for missing out on Albert Einstein's golden anniversary, I'm tellin' ya. I had my scruffy wig, jumper and moustache all ready for that. Still, never mind. The 20th anniversary of John Holmes's death comes up next year. Now, where did I put that strap-on?

Originally posted to Slack 'n' Hash on August 16, 2007.